Skip to content 
Domestic violence is dangerous, and it is hard to break free from the relationship that causes you so much harm because you may remain loyal to the person despite all the negativity that hampers your emotional well-being. What is the cycle of abuse? And can a person understand what is happening to them to break free from it?
In this article, we will discuss the key characteristics of emotional abuse – we will talk about the cycle of violence stages and the power the abuser holds over their victim.
The Cycle of Abuse Phases
While every relationship is different and it is nearly impossible to predict when or how the abuse will manifest, there are certain phases of the abuse cycle that repeat over and over again – learn more about them to understand when you are in a violent relationship:
| Phase | Description |
| Tension-Building | During this phase, the demeanor of the abusive person changes – they may become elusive or passive-aggressive towards the other individual. |
| Violence | The act of abuse occurs whether it is an insult, a threat, humiliation, an attempt to control the other person, or a failure to respect their boundaries and privacy. |
| Reconciliation | Sometimes referred to as “the honeymoon phase”, this phase begins when the apology takes place. Alternatively, the abuser may become affectionate without saying they are sorry or ignore the incident whatsoever. |
| Calm | This phase serves as the extension of the previous one. The victim of the abuse gets to enjoy attention and kindness and live in peace – they may believe the abuser has changed and they will not be hurt again. |
Treat Mental Health
Recognizing the Domestic Violence Cycle
When you are subjected to domestic violence, it is much harder to realize what is going on as opposed to the insight you gain when given an opportunity to analyze someone else’s situation. While certain circumstances are rather black-and-white – for instance, your parents may track your movements even though you are an adult or your spouse might act possessive and jealous just because you talked to someone without asking them for permission – other patterns are not immediately clear.
Understanding Abuse Patterns
What is the cycle of abuse, and how can it manifest? Unfortunately, there are many ways for someone to hurt another person whether it is limited to emotional damage or something that has influence on their health and financial status:
| Common Pattern | Description |
| Psychological | Humiliation, insults, threats, isolation, jealousy, and gaslighting are just a few ways to control someone’s emotional state and create fear and dependence. |
| Physical | This type of abuse affects the victim’s body whether the abuser punches them, restrains them, or uses weapons to scare them into submission. |
| Sexual | Sexual abuse is quite common – the abuser may force the victim to participate in unwanted sexual acts or manipulate them into sexual activity by tricking or pressuring them. |
| Economic | It is very easy to abuse the person when you control them financially whether you are the one deciding if they get access to their money or not, denying them their right to education and work, or demanding money from them. |
Exploring the Power and Control Cycle
The violence and abuse are not always physical – there are much more subtle tactics an abuser can rely on to assert their dominance over their relative, partner, or close friend. There is a repeating pattern of tension, explosion, and honeymoon stages repeating over and over again, and they may come to an end only once the victim of abuse finds strength to break free from this cycle or if the abuser hurts them or even takes their life when the tensions escalate.
Stages of Abuse in Relationships
Abuse rarely happens overnight – of course, we should not generalize because sadly, many people are abused both emotionally and physically without any prior warning or red flags that can be noticed in advance. There may be stages yet it does not mean that emotional abuse alone is not enough to put you in danger. First, an abuser may intentionally humiliate you in public and make you feel guilty when you are not to blame, then they may use insults against you or touch you against your consent, forbid you to use your money or refuse to give you money when you are struggling financially, and hurt you by punching, strangling, or limiting your movement. All these examples are scary enough for you to take them seriously – the escalation is possible at any moment which is why it is vital to recognize violence when it is happening to you.
Identifying the Emotional Abuse Cycle
What is the cycle of abuse? It is crucial to know what to look for if you believe you are dealing with emotional abuse right now or you want to protect yourself in the future. While there are signs of emotional abuse that are quite evident, such as raising their voice at you or criticizing your choices in a blatantly disrespectful way, there are other things you should pay attention to:
- Unreasonable expectations and overwhelming demands.
- Lack of validation and support.
- Lack of consistency and predictability.
- Humiliation and criticism in front of other people.
- Shifting the blame to you when you are not at fault.
- Condescension and sarcasm.
- Isolation from other people.
Treat Mental Health
Learn More about the Stages of Abuse at Treat Mental Health
Whether you have been stuck in a relationship abuse cycle, you suspect you may have been emotionally manipulated by someone close to you, or you want to educate yourself on the nuances of domestic violence to protect yourself and others around you, you can talk to a mental health professional. The specialists of our facility are at your service – we can offer you guidance and support you need when you feel vulnerable or when you are unable to commit to behavioral change on your own.
Reach out to Treat Mental Health today, and we will figure out how you can safeguard your physical and psychological wellness and overcome abuse to begin the process of healing.
FAQs
What are the different phases in the cycle of abuse and how do they manifest in relationships?
It starts with the tension building – there are little misunderstandings and arguments that make the abuser feel annoyed. Then, the abuse takes place whether it is emotional or physical after which the individuals reconcile (voluntarily or reluctantly), and the victim of abuse gets to enjoy a calm atmosphere before the cycle repeats.
How can one recognize and identify the stages of the domestic violence cycle?
Take threats and insults seriously, pay attention to how your freedom and independence affect the potential abuser, and observe your own behavior – if the individual in question makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells daily, you may be in a toxic, abusive relationship.
What are the common abuse patterns observed in the emotional abuse cycle?
Possessiveness and jealousy that limit your freedom, gaslighting, silent treatment, and refusal to be affectionate are typically the first abuse patterns that manifest in an abusive relationship.
How does the power and control cycle contribute to relationship abuse?
It is crucial for an abuser to exert power over their partner, family member, or even friend – they might coerce you into doing what you do not want to do, belittle themselves to make you feel pity, compare you to others unfavorably, and spread false information to influence your emotions. All these are the components of emotional abuse which can transform into physical violence.
Treat Mental Health
What are the stages of abuse in the cycle of violence and how do they affect victims?
At first, there is tension because of a minor conflict or miscommunication but it can easily trigger a violent reaction from an abuser – after that, this person and their victim patch things up and spend a few days or weeks in relative peace. All this can make the abused individual feel scared, isolated, confused, and even suicidal due to the emotional dysregulation and gaslighting they are subjected to.
